Change. No, this is not an endorsement of a candidate running for the up and coming election. The word did not just recently appear in our vocabulary. That does not mean that it is not important, or that we should not discuss what it means for everyday individual lives.
If there is one thing people have difficulties implementing and handling; it is ‘change’. It is a topic of many professionals, whether they work in the health occupations, are therapists, teachers, or whatever. The topic leading to discussions around many a lunch-table. How can we support? How can we educate? How can we accommodate? How can we motivate?
When people work with people, the subject is unavoidable. Whether it be physical or emotional lifestyle problems, processes of grief, or meeting various types of crises; coping is usually quite poor. Most people seek help when the bottom is hit, and the crises has become reality, and even though they have opportunities and endless information at hand that can aid them in their ’self-responsibility’ to at least do as good of a job as they possibly can.
You need only to walk to your refrigerator and cupboard to find information about preventative health measures, placed on the many food containers. You need only turn on the television, and the same is brought into your home. Sit down at the computer, and vasts amounts of information is at your fingertips.
Education and information have been priorities in preventative healthcare for decades. The majority collectively nod heads, and agree. Yet, it stops for many when individual ‘doing’ needs to be implemented. I have never seen as much health information spread to the public, as I have in the US. Yet, the term, ‘Sedentary Death Syndrome’ is now coined to describe the trend of younger generations of children that will not outlive their parent generations. This is only one tiny example in a sea of many.
Couples head for separation and divorce, and the numbers are staggering. People are dissatisfied, disgruntled, and in conflict. The last time I took a look, second marriages were ending at a rate of 65% and higher within the first five years of marriage in many Western countries. No, it does not necessarily get any easier the second time around. Children picking up mindsets of negativity, and learning how to cope with non-coping skills, are the outcomes. Their sense of self-worth and peace affected by economic constraints, long after divorces are finalized.
Individuals plagued with melancholy, mild and serious depressions, moodswings, disharmony, and dissatisfaction. Life should offer more, should be more, and be better. Envy thrives with all that it leads to, among of which, you can find behaviors of gossip, and back-talking others. These of course, also happen for other reasons as well, yet envy allows insecurity to replace pro-active attitudes. Wanting better is not a ‘negative’, and it is certainly not synonymous with unthankfulness. They are entirely different subjects. Wanting more or better is the first step in implementing change, and allowing something new to happen.
In working with people, it is not difficult to foresee the outcome of a path decided upon. Neither is it difficult to see how that same future changes, with the most subtle of changes implemented. Yet, the word ’subtle’ is a keyword in this equation. It is all a process, and heading towards those outcomes are filled with subtle signs. Most everyday lives are exactly that. They are average, everyday lives.
As a Nurse, I could inform people of which path they were headed down, inform and teach to help them become knowledgeable, support their process toward change, and accommodate with everything in my power. However, it is always fruitless if people do not see, or are willing to accept that change is needed, and that other outcomes can be prevented. Such is every field that deals in helping people, and no matter what the subject is about. Nor is it isolated to people that find themselves in the muddy waters of crises. It encompasses each, and every life.
People know that information and help are easily found. People mentally agree with a lot of things. People can even really want something else inside, and even though they do not express it to their environments. Yet, not many begin with the ‘doing’. They want to, but they don’t want to.
I know what I know about the subject. But, I would like to hear some shouts, your take, and your opinion. What stops many from implementing the first small steps? What gets in the way?
©Tamera Daun, www.pentad.no
Filed under: Relationship Development
Have you heard of love-hate relationships? Sure you have! I know that a number of people also have this type of relationship with themselves, although in these cases, I would not call it love-hate. A more appropriate term would be, ‘acceptance and non-acceptance’. Somewhere in the grey zone, yet not at any extremes. Furthermore, certainly not in every single area of life.
In areas where people don’t quite accept themselves, they tend to go, ‘every which way, but loose’. OK. Some do even that. They run around busy, try to succeed, compete, and achieve those outer goals. Some of them are small, and some large. Depending on what is going on in life at any given point in time, people can feel that they;
- Are lagging behind themselves
- A bit beside themselves
- Getting ahead of themselves
- Not quite here
- Running circles around themselves/chasing their own behind
We have all sorts of descriptive words for these conditions, correct? This being two places at the same time, and there is a quality of duality in the underlying implications.
Have you ever stopped up, and realized how these conditions really feel? I mean, physically? Have you ever rested, called yourself ‘home’, and felt the physical experience of returning to yourself? No? Try it sometime. It is quite exhilarating, a relief, and an energy booster.
I know I keep trying to get the message of ‘here and now’ across in a variety of ways. This is because if you don’t begin right where you are, and you begin to run too quickly, the end result is that you will someday have to return, and do some fundamental work all over again. At some point, stagnation and frustration can once more appear. Important things get skipped, and overlooked.
No one gets further, than they are prepared to go. There will always be personal issues that hold them back, and cause them to resist even potential positive change. They affect everything from career choices, to finances, to personal relationships, just to name a few.
I’ve been writing about coordinating the past and future back into the present. With that, it’s sensible to take an inner look at the ways in which people show themselves non-acceptance, and it is a very personal work.
In developing a relationship to oneself, the concepts of compassion, empathy, and acceptance are fundamental. Developing a healthy relationship to ’self’, and preparing to stroll from where you are right now, is some of the most important work you can ever do for everything you wish for your future.
It is important that adults teach, remember, or re-teach themselves these aspects. The development of this relationship is vital. It is even more imperative that we teach this to children, through living example.
I know a wonderful lady that works as a socialworker, and therapist at a hospits on the Westcoast here in the US. She once wrote a poem about relationship to ’self’, expressing a curiosity as to how people treat themselves. It provides deep and touching reflections. After receiving permission from her to relay this poem, I’ve sent it around the country, and overseas. Her name is Krystal Ashling, and here is her poem.
If I were to Love Me
If I were to Love me
How would it be
Would I play and be merry
Would I set myself free?
Would I help me to heal
From my bruises and pain
Would I hear my heart stories
And then hear them again
Would I offer a blanket
When chilled from the storm
Would I always have refuge
Cozy and warm
Would I tell family stories
Like the ones mama shared
Would I be kind and caring
Would I always be there
Would I shout out a bravo
For the triumphs I’ve won
Would I laugh at my jokes
Even though they are worn
Would I tell me the truth
When I needed to hear
Would I be there with caring
When I voiced my worst fears
When I felt myself lonely
Would I be my best friend
Would my love for myself
Have no start and no end
Would my life be a statement
Of the best
I could be
If I were to love me
Krystal Ashling ©2006
So, how’s your relationship coming along?
Related articles:
Tamera Daun© http://www.pentad.no/
Mindful Matters
Preparing to Stroll
Love Story, continued
image source: http://www.beautyden.com/pics/lovekissheart.jpg
Filed under: Relationship Development
Relationships can sometimes test our patience, and they challenge our emotional strength. For those that have followed along in the series about love and relationships, my wish today is to provide a simple exercise that uses very little energy. Reading and writing about those things that cause couples trouble in their love lives can lead anyone to let out a sigh, so it is always enjoyable to present something a bit more positive to balance the picture.
