So. How is everyone doing? Have the feet appeared from the future, and the past? Worry and anger over, and done with? It may not be that easy. Yet, it’s easier than we think as soon as we set the ball of events in motion.
Some will talk about ‘letting go’ of worry, and all negative thought. In my clinical practice, and even in my own personal work with different systems, I find this a poor remedy to the core problem of worry. It is a difficult task for the mind to let go of something that has not yet happened. This is largely due to definitions that the mind already holds regarding different words, and concepts. In addition, I do not believe that it is realistic to think that we will go through the rest of our lives without ever having a negative thought. I do not buy into any illusion of perfection. The point is to once more balance as soon as you discover that you have delved into negativity, and learn from it.
Worry usually culminates to much busy chitter-chatter in the mind, so the methods should address this, and they should not take a great amount of effort to practice.
See that image? Now, we’re looking at the need to ‘let go’. Anger is something that we do not like to let go of, lest we forget. Yet, we have to learn how to do exactly that. Put the hammer down.
A reader in the last post about anger , commented the general idea that the clue is to let it come, get it out, realize that chronically it is not of ‘now’ as it has its foot in the past, and begin to express fully in the present. He knows he’s right, and I also know the wisdom behind the advice, and nodded my head as I read the comment.
If we choose to keep the shoulder chips, the outcomes will remain the same. Nothing gets solved, and the only one that sits with the uncomfortable reaction is the one that owns the anger. Einstein once stated the opinion that a sure sign of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, and awaiting a different outcome. Well, OK. I guess that means that we’re all a little insane. So much so, that it is normal, because we are all guilty of this. We just don’t see it.
In moments of hurt, people are often times in states of vulnerability. The reasons for this vary, of which I will not address right now. However, although vulnerability is actually positive, it means that we take things in much more easily.
If at the time we can’t find a response from the position of calm strength, a sense of helplessness steps up to the plate. If enough such situations repeatedly occur, anger culminates. The anger gets swallowed, or repeatedly ‘blown out’ at whomever. So, this has to be dealt with as they are inner-security and self-esteem deal breakers. In the longterm they will wear on an individual’s sense of integrity.
Another reader in the same post gave an example of utilizing that energy of anger toward a positive purpose. The example given was anger felt about situations of ‘injustice’. If injustice enrages us, using this energy to fight injustice is much better than using it destructively.
There is such enormous energy in the emotion of anger, that it it can accomplish great work, and feats. The only concern I have is the longterm inner health of the individual. However. This reader touched upon the very essence of the term “kraft”, which I mentioned in another post. His example was perfect. Our ‘kraft’ is a very important part of our personal history, so it is of great meaning. It’s important to get to know it, and become comfortable with it. It can be of great value as long as we do not let it control our lives, and lead us to random decision-making that proves detrimental to our well-being. I will write more about this in the future.
There are many available methods to work with anger. Each tradition has their methods derived from their theoretical premises. I encourage people to do close personal work within themselves. It strengthens the relationship to oneself, and people actually do know themselves best. People also need to practice being their own experts, and learning their own personal answers.
Everyone can sit down at a convenient time, and pull up situations that enrage, and get the anger bubbling. If you mentally go through enough of these situations, you may even begin to see common threads in the issues. Threads usually end up becoming visible the more one works, and this is good, as it allows you to specify issues. Specifying issues allows you to remember the origins of the issues. Each memory will lead to a previous one.
The most important initial point of any development work is that you have to want it to happen. You have to decide that you want to let it go, and understand that it is for your personal highest good. So, before you go down memory lane, talk to yourself, and state the intention that you are ready, ‘to let go’.
Since much of our anger is tied to situations of interaction with other people, there is usually a good amount of personal power that can be utilized in the happenings. You may not have utilized it at the time, however you can in the future.
So, pull up those memories, and bring forth the anger. Let the anger transition back to that which is underlying. It may be the feeling of hurt if someone betrayed you, or said or did something that you were upset by. The physical discomfort will most likely be felt, so make sure that you are breathing deeply. At this point keep talking to yourself, and remind yourself that you own your feelings. They are yours, and they do not belong to the other person or people. Remind yourself that you are letting go, so that your future well-being will no longer be sabotaged.
As you work through the scenarios, observe how you responded. Stop up in the memory work at these points, and really take a good look. Now, change your responses. Change what you would have said and done, in order to come out of that situation feeling better, less hurt, less angry. Your response should be an expression of your positive self.
Through this mental exercise and process, it is usual that the feelings of anger begin to subside. These are the first steps in bringing that foot home from the past. It brings with it whole new understandings of these situations, and Einstein’s statement no longer fits the bill. When you respond differently, the other also has to do so, and the situation no longer leads to the same outcome.
Now, here is the tricky part. As you work through that which is stated in the previous sentences, remember that your new responses should be from a simple principle that sometimes demands a little creativity. The principle, and your final solutions should be based upon a, “no victim, no revenge” mentality. Does this sound difficult? It can seem so at first. Yet, it is easier than people may think, and that is because numerous options always exist. We discover them when we begin a mental search.
With this tricky part, comes tricky part number two. It is a point in which I have disagreed with many a colleague in the clinical field. It has also led to a bit of controversy, but my position is based on the effectiveness of methods. My stance is the inner healing of the individual, which benefits each and every interaction.
Tricky part number two, is that I encourage people to explore new responses that are not based upon “I”-sentences. In other words and for example, “I felt hurt, when you said/did (fill in the blank)”. As these are vulnerable situations, a certain amount of strength needs to be built and felt, to use these. This is because a response to this from the other, may not be what one hopes to hear. In addition, focus and expectations will still remain on the acceptance of another. An individual’s acceptance of themself, regardless of another, is first priority in my practice.
Gradually building that inner strength takes time. When hurt and anger have resided over long periods, the legs are a little wobbly after letting them go. The empty space needs to be filled with an array of new positives. I will address this ’strength’ in future posts.
The first step is to mentally work through these issues in your mind. The next step is not to jump out, and begin practicing in any way you can. The next step is to rest. Take a break. Letting go of anger is a process, so give it time. The body and mind can become a little tired from letting go. Real life is not compatible with our “quick-fix” societies. Let the rest of your body catch up in the work, as this is an important aspect of self-respect.
©Tamera Daun www.pentad.no
In continuation of the previous thread about anger, I wanted to expand on an idea, or two. Let’s face it. We can feel the emotion of anger as a reaction to almost any type of situation. We can try to hide it, but it often shows through our body language inclusive facial expressions, actions, and in the tones of voices. Yet, it is not always an easy thing to talk about.
In the personal development of the self, or development of the personal realm, it sabotages the future more than people realize. I discuss the development of our nature or core, because this is where we need to start. It does not matter if people want their relationships to be more constructive, or their lives to move in a different direction, it all begins with the core self.
It is impossible to cover these entire subjects in posts, but I thought that I would mention at least one example of anger that remains with people, and becomes a part of what we call ‘the shadow self’, and a good pal in a personal development that may actually be less than what individuals wish for. People may want entirely different things to happen, yet their shadow takes them on an opposite route. Again, it’s important to remember that everyone is in continuous development.
Do any of you have any memories of a yesterday gone by, where you were in an interaction or situation, and in your perception, it did not end up in your favor? What I mean is that you felt a little out of whack, not quite balanced, or less than good about yourself. Perhaps you felt that you were undermined, not heard, understood, not included, noticed, appreciated, taken seriously, just to name a few.
The important point being here that you just quite couldn’t, or chose not to express that which would leverage you equal, and even more importantly regardless of the other person you were interacting with. When I state ‘leverage equal’, I mean expressing one’s core self from positivity. I do not mean attempting to be right, and the other wrong. I do not mean trying to convince another of who one truly is as a person. These are still symptoms of non-equality thinking.
It does actually have more to do with how satisfied people are with the role they themselves have played, rather than what others have said and done. It has to be like this. That is the bottom line that people need to know and understand if they envision a future of progress, and development that they will subjectively feel is successful. Why? Well, it is because we can never stop other people from saying and doing things that we may possibly feel hurt by. Think about all of the people that are met daily, and in the course of a lifetime.
The strange thing is that these types of scenarios can lead to feelings of hurt, and self-anger as outcomes. The self-promise being that it certainly is never ever going to happen again, come purgatory or high water. It can take some time for this to develop, but the guardian, the shadow self, becomes the friend that warns you as you head into similar situations. A trigger of something known, and just in time to gear up the adrenalin, and exude ‘an attitude’. Now, whatever behavior the attitudes lead to, is differing for each individual.
Not only does this friend protect, but it comforts also. After the behavior, when people notice the reactions of others or circumstances, reassurance is needed. This friend will comfort, and leverage the self-esteem with inner self-talk.
- That was so stupid, and a load of crock anyhow.
- Everyone always wants something.
- People are idiots.
- This was doomed to fail, and I am obviously the only one who saw it coming.
- They’re all just jealous of me.
- I will show them. They will be sorry.
- how many more can we add to this list? Many, upon many.
Think about it. It’s hard to knock a good friend that protects and comforts, right? It becomes difficult to feel the need to go any further, take a new step, entertain possibilities, and new opportunities. A stagnating effect comes from the blindness of it. It is almost impossible to see one’s own role in this circle, and the need to be more pro-active in personal development. It is easier to blame circumstances, and others.
The chronic state becomes something entirely different than the situation of that yesterday. It becomes a crutch. Reality becomes self-fulfilling prophecies, as the clip is played over and over again, like a movie. The adrenalin addictive, leading to waves of “up, and crash”. The environment saturated with similar individuals that fit the roles.
The shoulder chips grow larger. When the discovery of them, and how they came to be are understood, the sense of ‘hurt’ appears. In further exploration, it becomes easy to clearly see that hurt is still tied to the other, or the circumstance. Taking this theme even deeper, the knowledge that the ability to handle it differently was always present, but not taken. Thus, one more piece of the puzzle of self-responsibility falls into place. At least as a thought process, and this is the first step to change.
We’ve all been angry, or own irritation regarding issues. What makes you really angry?
Related articles; Anger. The second culprit.
image: http://www.essences.com
©Tamera Daun. www.pentad.no
Two feet. The first culprit of worry forces the one foot into the future. The second places the other in the past. This culprit being one of the most toxic states we can inflict upon ourselves, and our way forward.
Anger is the second culprit that leads us away from our lives. Our lives that we are meant to live today. For it is only in our current moments that we can completely and fully recognize the next step. If we are in the past or the future, we will not see the diversity of opportunities that pass us by. If thoughts and emotions are everywhere else, but here and now, we are kept too busy to see that which is right in front of us. Here and now.
Remaining unsolved, it can fester and grow, causing negativity to flourish within us, and flow from us as permanent conditions. It can lead us to not consider circumstances as they actually are. We remain prepared in the expectations of how we imagine future situations will unfold. As with worry, we can influence future events with chronic angry states.
Another normal aspect of our humanness, shared by most alike. We learn to walk with a chip or two, on one or both shoulders. The little extra burdens that weigh our stride, a weight of which we may not notice, all the while practicing a variety of measures in which we vent, or swallow. We partially deal with it, sometimes rationalize it, yet often times find it difficult to fully let go of it.
Anger. The protector, and guardian is the type of anger that has remained with us for a while. One of the emotions that we feel is most dangerous, and most feared in our society. Anger manifests and becomes our blindspots, and a large part of our looming shadow self. It is sometimes our best, and most trusted friend.
Stay tuned for the follow-up on anger.
What are your thoughts? How do you react when you observe it in others? Is it a difficult emotion to deal with? Lend me your insight, and any initial thoughts.
Related articles:
Personal Development- Mindful Matters
excerpt: Power of Compassion, Dalai Lama
images: http://www.rayzsite.com/anger
http://www.people.cornell.edu
©Tamera Daun
visit me at; www.pentad.no
