Filed under: Attitudes and Mindsets
Since I seem to spend much time writing about basic thoughts and beliefs that we all carry around with us in our daily lives, I thought that I would share something at the end of this post that I found a while back. Let it be food for thought about thought. Quite a sentence, isn’t it?
We are met with standards and expectations, every single day. Standards that are set by others in our immediate surroundings, the media, and collective society as a whole. It always seems as though someone other than ourselves does the defining of terms, such as; success, wealth, beauty, health, illness, etc. Picture perfect standards that we all kind of know inside of ourselves may be a bit lofty to achieve at the rate and speed that is expected.
How many times have we all not trusted other ‘experts’ with our lives, well-being, and happiness? Some of it pays off. Especially, for example, if immediate healthcare is needed. There are those situations when it becomes necessary. Yet, other times we place our whole beings in the hands of outside specialists, and without consulting ourselves, first.
When it goes on long enough, and we see how longterm results pan out, it doesn’t make sense. We don’t necessarily feel happier, more successful, healthier, etc. That’s about the time we can grant ourselves a little disappointment, and self-pity. Why? It is because we have done a good thing in placing our ‘trust’ in people that claim to know more than we do. In addition, we don’t want to be left behind, just in case they are right. Yet, it is natural to want to throw one’s hands up in disgust, as the realization of, “I’ve been duped! I trusted that this would work, and I now see that someone wanted to profit from me” hits home. We trust fashion gurus, diet experts, pharmaceutical companies, this product, that product, government, and the list goes on.
To trust is a good thing. Life doesn’t lead to much of anything, if we don’t take that leap of faith, once in a while. Trust that is misused by others, is not such a good thing. Right? There are some real ‘people helpers’ in this world, also. Educators in different fields of work that really enjoy seeing people get better, and gain more knowledge. Unfortunately, many of these people are the most underpaid workers in society, and even though their work helps the wheels of society to continue to go ’round and ’round.
Let me see a raise of hands. How many out there just want to throw it all to the curb, sometimes? How many have just wanted to yell out, “Can I please be allowed to be me, and let that be good enough”? Have you ever just wanted to walk around in pyjamas all day long, and call that a successful day? I had to put in a little funny here. Seriously, though. I know that everyone knows what I am ‘talking’ about.
Who do we view to be authorities in, and about our lives? Do we have too many of them? Do we listen too often to others?
As stated in the beginning, the following is food for thought, about thought. Why not? After all, they do not come at a two-for-one price. Thoughts are absolutely free.
Do not believe in anything (simply) because you have heard it.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
Do not believe in anything because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Do not believe in anything (simply) because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
But, after observation and analysis,
when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the
good and benefit of one and all,
then accept it, and live up to it.
Guatama Buddha
Anguttara Nikaya Vol I, pp. 188-193, R.T.S.Ed
Do you listen to the expert in yourself?
Tamera Daun© www.pentad.no
image: http://www.urhome.umd.edu/CPMAG/summer00/images
As you develop, things change. Likewise, as circumstances change, you develop. As written in the last post, people would like to be happier, more successful, healthier, and have relationships that are more loving and satisfying. If people didn’t want better, they would not be working so hard in their everyday lives, in order to attain better.
The first dilemma rears its head when considering the best place to begin. A second dilemma is initiating personal development in the unknowingness of what will happen. Expectations are crucial to the process, whether they be perceived as positive, negative, or neutral.
Now, I have to tell you all. The subjects that engage me the most, are the subjects of ‘change’, and personal relationships/marriage. They are incredibly fascinating, and with regard to change, there is so much positive potential that resides in the concept. There is enormous dormant opportunity, and it is sometimes excruciating to observe the potential, ‘unused’.
I have worked with people, and processes of change for the past fourteen years, and began writing about the subject six years ago. As I researched and wrote, Absolute Bliss, a major theme became apparent. All of my professional experience kept nagging at me in the writing of a book that had the purpose of helping people. In much reading material that can be found out there, very little prepares people for what they can expect to experience. I’m talking about the tiny nitty-gritty details of the ups, and downs. I had to, and did, include this in my work.
The nitty-gritty of the process is where people usually give up. They are often times set up to feel like failures, although it is not the intention. Of course it isn’t. Yet, knowledge of what can be expected in oneself, and the reactions that can be expected from one’s surroundings is so very vital in perceiving development and change as positive. Even perceiving it as neutral is better than negative, because it is the negative that stops people from moving on. Most of us can agree on this, right?
What has always engaged me the most about the two previously mentioned subjects is the fact that children are affected. They are a population group in our society that have to accept all change that is imposed upon them. They have little choice, and for natural reasons.
Adults do their best, from what they know. We adults do not do better, until we know more. When we know more, we gain the opportunity to do differently. This is a point of empathy and compassion for the adult population. Adults try to instill good behavior, and important values in their children. You don’t even have to be a parent to be of importance. If you’ve ever been observed by a child, then you have played a role in the perception of their world.
However and to be bluntly honest, here is the bottom line. We adults need to do better, and that means that we need to increase our knowledge, and begin intitiating. We need to initiate within ourselves, and be more concerned with what we do, rather than what we say. This is because we ’say’ a lot to children, but we often times do not walk our talk, and this incongruence and non-alignment is what we end up teaching.
We can encourage our kids to engage in activities that will strengthen their sense of confidence, and self-esteem. Yet, the fact that outer recognition is only half of the equation of their sense of self-esteem, is important knowledge. We can tell children to behave, get along, and cooperate. However, they don’t buy into that when we show them the opposite, behind closed doors in our marriages. We adults would like for our children to have healthy relationships with themselves, yet behind those same closed doors, we teach them through example, the opposite. We want them to mature, yet we show them, and many times treat them, with emotional immaturity. We, ourselves, have not learned how to mature our emotions into adulthood.
Then we turn around and complain, “Geesh. Kids today”, with a disapproving shake of the head.
If adults would like a few excellent lessons in dealing and adapting to change, they would benefit from observing their children. They are experts in adaptation. Not only are they experts, but they are wise little people in explaining how the process actually feels. The younger they are, the more in touch with their emotions they tend to be. They may not have fancy words to explain them, but they are often times in better contact with themselves, than adults are.
Children don’t mind seeing their parents make mistakes, but they love seeing their ‘human’ parents develop and do better, even more. Why? Because, they love you, and they are eager to learn when they get a whiff of positive happenings in progress.
Please take a couple of minutes to read ‘for content’, this ancient archived and short article, Commentary. It begins on page 1, and continues and ends on page 3.
I know what I know, but let me hear you shout out your opinion.
Related articles;
What’s up with change?
How are You?
©Tamera Daun, www.pentad.no
Change. No, this is not an endorsement of a candidate running for the up and coming election. The word did not just recently appear in our vocabulary. That does not mean that it is not important, or that we should not discuss what it means for everyday individual lives.
If there is one thing people have difficulties implementing and handling; it is ‘change’. It is a topic of many professionals, whether they work in the health occupations, are therapists, teachers, or whatever. The topic leading to discussions around many a lunch-table. How can we support? How can we educate? How can we accommodate? How can we motivate?
When people work with people, the subject is unavoidable. Whether it be physical or emotional lifestyle problems, processes of grief, or meeting various types of crises; coping is usually quite poor. Most people seek help when the bottom is hit, and the crises has become reality, and even though they have opportunities and endless information at hand that can aid them in their ’self-responsibility’ to at least do as good of a job as they possibly can.
You need only to walk to your refrigerator and cupboard to find information about preventative health measures, placed on the many food containers. You need only turn on the television, and the same is brought into your home. Sit down at the computer, and vasts amounts of information is at your fingertips.
Education and information have been priorities in preventative healthcare for decades. The majority collectively nod heads, and agree. Yet, it stops for many when individual ‘doing’ needs to be implemented. I have never seen as much health information spread to the public, as I have in the US. Yet, the term, ‘Sedentary Death Syndrome’ is now coined to describe the trend of younger generations of children that will not outlive their parent generations. This is only one tiny example in a sea of many.
Couples head for separation and divorce, and the numbers are staggering. People are dissatisfied, disgruntled, and in conflict. The last time I took a look, second marriages were ending at a rate of 65% and higher within the first five years of marriage in many Western countries. No, it does not necessarily get any easier the second time around. Children picking up mindsets of negativity, and learning how to cope with non-coping skills, are the outcomes. Their sense of self-worth and peace affected by economic constraints, long after divorces are finalized.
Individuals plagued with melancholy, mild and serious depressions, moodswings, disharmony, and dissatisfaction. Life should offer more, should be more, and be better. Envy thrives with all that it leads to, among of which, you can find behaviors of gossip, and back-talking others. These of course, also happen for other reasons as well, yet envy allows insecurity to replace pro-active attitudes. Wanting better is not a ‘negative’, and it is certainly not synonymous with unthankfulness. They are entirely different subjects. Wanting more or better is the first step in implementing change, and allowing something new to happen.
In working with people, it is not difficult to foresee the outcome of a path decided upon. Neither is it difficult to see how that same future changes, with the most subtle of changes implemented. Yet, the word ’subtle’ is a keyword in this equation. It is all a process, and heading towards those outcomes are filled with subtle signs. Most everyday lives are exactly that. They are average, everyday lives.
As a Nurse, I could inform people of which path they were headed down, inform and teach to help them become knowledgeable, support their process toward change, and accommodate with everything in my power. However, it is always fruitless if people do not see, or are willing to accept that change is needed, and that other outcomes can be prevented. Such is every field that deals in helping people, and no matter what the subject is about. Nor is it isolated to people that find themselves in the muddy waters of crises. It encompasses each, and every life.
People know that information and help are easily found. People mentally agree with a lot of things. People can even really want something else inside, and even though they do not express it to their environments. Yet, not many begin with the ‘doing’. They want to, but they don’t want to.
I know what I know about the subject. But, I would like to hear some shouts, your take, and your opinion. What stops many from implementing the first small steps? What gets in the way?
©Tamera Daun, www.pentad.no
