As you develop, things change. Likewise, as circumstances change, you develop. As written in the last post, people would like to be happier, more successful, healthier, and have relationships that are more loving and satisfying. If people didn’t want better, they would not be working so hard in their everyday lives, in order to attain better.
The first dilemma rears its head when considering the best place to begin. A second dilemma is initiating personal development in the unknowingness of what will happen. Expectations are crucial to the process, whether they be perceived as positive, negative, or neutral.
Now, I have to tell you all. The subjects that engage me the most, are the subjects of ‘change’, and personal relationships/marriage. They are incredibly fascinating, and with regard to change, there is so much positive potential that resides in the concept. There is enormous dormant opportunity, and it is sometimes excruciating to observe the potential, ‘unused’.
I have worked with people, and processes of change for the past fourteen years, and began writing about the subject six years ago. As I researched and wrote, Absolute Bliss, a major theme became apparent. All of my professional experience kept nagging at me in the writing of a book that had the purpose of helping people. In much reading material that can be found out there, very little prepares people for what they can expect to experience. I’m talking about the tiny nitty-gritty details of the ups, and downs. I had to, and did, include this in my work.
The nitty-gritty of the process is where people usually give up. They are often times set up to feel like failures, although it is not the intention. Of course it isn’t. Yet, knowledge of what can be expected in oneself, and the reactions that can be expected from one’s surroundings is so very vital in perceiving development and change as positive. Even perceiving it as neutral is better than negative, because it is the negative that stops people from moving on. Most of us can agree on this, right?
What has always engaged me the most about the two previously mentioned subjects is the fact that children are affected. They are a population group in our society that have to accept all change that is imposed upon them. They have little choice, and for natural reasons.
Adults do their best, from what they know. We adults do not do better, until we know more. When we know more, we gain the opportunity to do differently. This is a point of empathy and compassion for the adult population. Adults try to instill good behavior, and important values in their children. You don’t even have to be a parent to be of importance. If you’ve ever been observed by a child, then you have played a role in the perception of their world.
However and to be bluntly honest, here is the bottom line. We adults need to do better, and that means that we need to increase our knowledge, and begin intitiating. We need to initiate within ourselves, and be more concerned with what we do, rather than what we say. This is because we ’say’ a lot to children, but we often times do not walk our talk, and this incongruence and non-alignment is what we end up teaching.
We can encourage our kids to engage in activities that will strengthen their sense of confidence, and self-esteem. Yet, the fact that outer recognition is only half of the equation of their sense of self-esteem, is important knowledge. We can tell children to behave, get along, and cooperate. However, they don’t buy into that when we show them the opposite, behind closed doors in our marriages. We adults would like for our children to have healthy relationships with themselves, yet behind those same closed doors, we teach them through example, the opposite. We want them to mature, yet we show them, and many times treat them, with emotional immaturity. We, ourselves, have not learned how to mature our emotions into adulthood.
Then we turn around and complain, “Geesh. Kids today”, with a disapproving shake of the head.
If adults would like a few excellent lessons in dealing and adapting to change, they would benefit from observing their children. They are experts in adaptation. Not only are they experts, but they are wise little people in explaining how the process actually feels. The younger they are, the more in touch with their emotions they tend to be. They may not have fancy words to explain them, but they are often times in better contact with themselves, than adults are.
Children don’t mind seeing their parents make mistakes, but they love seeing their ‘human’ parents develop and do better, even more. Why? Because, they love you, and they are eager to learn when they get a whiff of positive happenings in progress.
Please take a couple of minutes to read ‘for content’, this ancient archived and short article, Commentary. It begins on page 1, and continues and ends on page 3.
I know what I know, but let me hear you shout out your opinion.
Related articles;
What’s up with change?
How are You?
©Tamera Daun, www.pentad.no
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Oh how correct this is. I am going through this same thing right this very moment with my youngest daughter (11). She is very a straight A student and very athletic. However,aside from P.E., she does not participate in school sports. Her gym coach called me last week to talk to me about her trying out for a sport. He said “any sport”. She is great at all of them. Her reply..”Nope”. A teacher, who is also the volleyball coach emailed me, begging me to do or say anything to my daugher, anything, to get my daughter to join the volleyball team. Her reply…”Nope”. I am concerned where this is coming from. She is not lazy. She is a good sport. This is not just mom talking either. Both the coach and teacher/coach said the same. She tells me she wants to golf. That is a few years away. She goes fishing on the weekends. (start a fishing club in school?) I love football, watch UFC..heh, was a cheerleader in high school. Her sister is in band and loves it, but would die for these opportunities. With that, she sees that it is a good thing to belong to something. (or to not belong for that matter)To have a passion for something and really love it without being pressured into it. I do not want to push her into anything and do not pressure her about it. But I feel if I let her take her own sweet time, it may be something she may regret later.
Comment by spoiledmom May 7, 2008 @ 5:56 pm@spoiledmom. Oh, what a wise Mother you are for not wanting to push. Your just as wise daughter may need some time to just “be”. We need to let them know the importance of the balance between rest/reflection, and activity. We need to let them regulate themselves sometimes, and especially when they are otherwise doing just fine! I think we adults get impatient with our own lives and diminishing time on this planet, and we forget THEY have time. Time to figure themselves out. We need to respect that. How many times do we ourselves love being pushed? Seldom. Keep up your loving work!
Comment by Tamera May 7, 2008 @ 6:16 pmI do not have children but I watch my BF’s ex wife push their 5 year old son…he’s taking piano, abacus lessons, karate(just finished) Soccer(before karate) and now he was asking if I was interested in teaching him violin?! He was brilliant in Kendo but accidentally hit an older boy and has been scared to practice ever since. This was a HUGE blow to both parents since they were both natural talents and she was up to professional level…so, now she teaches him at home…
Maybe it’s me BUT He’s FIVE!
She wants him to learn more instruments and play sports…maybe because she’s an athlete too?
It’s the whole Japanese (straight from Japan) mentality…PUSH! PUSH PUSH!
…BTW, I just ordered your book…I’m excited.
Comment by Mikiye Creations May 7, 2008 @ 8:09 pmmikiye…Yikes! Perhaps you can balance by being a relaxing “here and enjoy now” type of role model when he’s around…just to show something different. Not easy being a “step-parent” (even though it isn’t quite official yet). Well, that’s mighty kind of you mikiye….pay close attention to chpt. 10 (entitled…’Between Us Girls’)..see if you think it’s useful..and, if you think it’s a flop, let me know that too!! :o)
Comment by Tamera May 7, 2008 @ 8:18 pmGosh. The more I think about it, the more I hope my kiddie just does her own thing and doesnt take after me. It is unlikely I will push her to do anything as I hated it as a kid if my parents did it. But then, if you see that your child could be a genius at something and is going through the “I dont care” stage, it is always worth the gentle nudge in that direction.
Of course, she is half me and half my wife. That is going to be one strong personality to put up with!
Comment by Sy May 7, 2008 @ 8:54 pmGreat post. You sound like a great mom.
Comment by S@rah May 8, 2008 @ 12:57 am“As you develop, things change. Likewise, as circumstances change, you develop.”
I love this. And it’s so true. Clearly some change and some challenge can build character. You just always wonder at what point the character-building stops and the damage occurs. A very nice thought provoking post. Thanks!
Comment by intrepidideas May 8, 2008 @ 8:03 pm@intrepid. Hi! Well, if I consider what the word “character” means growing up in this society, it is definitely not the objective of what I teach. I think reflecting “into” the subjects I write about, another feeling emerges. A different feel. However, this is one of the reasone why I do not like the words, “personal development”, because people (from their upbringing) have pre-conceived ideas as to what this means, yet in order to reach an audience of people searching for another type of thinking than what they already know, one has to use words that are already known. I have one foot in the sciences to deal with certain issues, and the other in the humanity arts of ‘inviting happiness’ into the lives of people where that is needed.
Comment by Tamera May 8, 2008 @ 9:03 pmTamera, a sterling post. For me, worth printing out and keeping - Nards
Comment by <i>Nardeeisms</i> May 9, 2008 @ 3:27 am“As you develop, things change. Likewise, as circumstances change, you develop.”
Love this quote. This is how I choose to see my life and when I have children, I hope to implement this into raising them.
I want to expose my children to all types of things (locations, languages, food, sports, arts, etc) but I want them to make the choice. If they are really set on something I’ll let them do it (as long as it’s safe, healthy and legal) but if I enroll them in something and they abhor it, I’d listen.
Comment by Cynthia May 9, 2008 @ 3:34 pmhi tamera
Comment by jyotsana May 10, 2008 @ 4:19 amu seem to have a great understanding of life and love.its delightful reading.keep up the good work of adding light to more n more lives.
@everyone! Thanks for stopping by, reading, and commenting. It is much appreciated!
Comment by Tamera May 10, 2008 @ 8:29 pm