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Have you heard of love-hate relationships? Sure you have! I know that a number of people also have this type of relationship with themselves, although in these cases, I would not call it love-hate. A more appropriate term would be, ‘acceptance and non-acceptance’. Somewhere in the grey zone, yet not at any extremes. Furthermore, certainly not in every single area of life.

In areas where people don’t quite accept themselves, they tend to go, ‘every which way, but loose’. OK. Some do even that. They run around busy, try to succeed, compete, and achieve those outer goals. Some of them are small, and some large. Depending on what is going on in life at any given point in time, people can feel that they;

• Are lagging behind themselves
• A bit beside themselves
• Getting ahead of themselves
• Not quite here
• Running circles around themselves/chasing their own behind

We have all sorts of descriptive words for these conditions, correct? This being two places at the same time, and there is a quality of duality in the underlying implications.

Have you ever stopped up, and realized how these conditions really feel? I mean, physically? Have you ever rested, called yourself ‘home’, and felt the physical experience of returning to yourself? No? Try it sometime. It is quite exhilarating, a relief, and an energy booster.

I know I keep trying to get the message of ‘here and now’ across in a variety of ways. This is because if you don’t begin right where you are, and you begin to run too quickly, the end result is that you will someday have to return, and do some fundamental work all over again. At some point, stagnation and frustration can once more appear. Important things get skipped, and overlooked.

No one gets further, than they are prepared to go. There will always be personal issues that hold them back, and cause them to resist even potential positive change. They affect everything from career choices, to finances, to personal relationships, just to name a few.

I’ve been writing about coordinating the past and future back into the present. With that, it’s sensible to take an inner look at the ways in which people show themselves non-acceptance, and it is a very personal work.

In developing a relationship to oneself, the concepts of compassion, empathy, and acceptance are fundamental. Developing a healthy relationship to ’self’, and preparing to stroll from where you are right now, is some of the most important work you can ever do for everything you wish for your future.

It is important that adults teach, remember, or re-teach themselves these aspects. The development of this relationship is vital. It is even more imperative that we teach this to children, through living example.

I know a wonderful lady that works as a socialworker, and therapist at a hospits on the Westcoast here in the US. She once wrote a poem about relationship to ’self’, expressing a curiosity as to how people treat themselves. It provides deep and touching reflections. After receiving permission from her to relay this poem, I’ve sent it around the country, and overseas. Her name is Krystal Ashling, and here is her poem.

If I were to Love Me

If I were to Love me
How would it be
Would I play and be merry
Would I set myself free?

Would I help me to heal
From my bruises and pain
Would I hear my heart stories
And then hear them again

Would I offer a blanket
When chilled from the storm
Would I always have refuge
Cozy and warm

Would I tell family stories
Like the ones mama shared
Would I be kind and caring
Would I always be there

Would I shout out a bravo
For the triumphs I’ve won
Would I laugh at my jokes
Even though they are worn

Would I tell me the truth
When I needed to hear
Would I be there with caring
When I voiced my worst fears

When I felt myself lonely
Would I be my best friend
Would my love for myself
Have no start and no end

Would my life be a statement
Of the best
I could be
If I were to love me

Krystal Ashling ©2006

So, how’s your relationship coming along?

Related articles:
Mindful Matters
Preparing to Stroll
Love Story, continued

Tamera Daun© http://www.pentad.no/
image source: http://www.beautyden.com/pics/lovekissheart.jpg