Personal Development- Preparing to Stroll

So. How is everyone doing? Have the feet appeared from the future, and the past? Worry and anger over, and done with? It may not be that easy. Yet, it’s easier than we think as soon as we set the ball of events in motion.

Some will talk about ‘letting go’ of worry, and all negative thought. In my clinical practice, and even in my own personal work with different systems, I find this a poor remedy to the core problem of worry. It is a difficult task for the mind to let go of something that has not yet happened. This is largely due to definitions that the mind already holds regarding different words, and concepts. In addition, I do not believe that it is realistic to think that we will go through the rest of our lives without ever having a negative thought. I do not buy into any illusion of perfection. The point is to once more balance as soon as you discover that you have delved into negativity, and learn from it.

Worry usually culminates to much busy chitter-chatter in the mind, so the methods should address this, and they should not take a great amount of effort to practice.

There are quite a few people out there that muffle their feelings. These are the types that tell you to, “get over it”, whatever it may be. “How silly to worry”, they may say. If you have these people in your environment, I have one piece of advice. Don’t listen to them. Do not let yourself begin to tie negative meanings to your humanness. This will only lead to the thought there is something wrong with you, and for some it can even lead to feelings of weakness, and shame. I will personally come kick your behind if you fall into this type of thinking.

Take care of your feelings, and know that they are normal. Work on being your best friend, and nurture yourself. Take a time-out once in a while, in order to check this balance.

As I mentioned in the post, Quieting Worry , and for the sake of repetition, engage in a practice of quieting the mind. Although it may be difficult to cut out noisy distractions that flood the senses outside of the home, try to minimize them inside of the home. Most of us have gotten used to having the TV on, music playing, or whatever it may be. Some will use relaxing music to wind down, but the mind really does need complete silence, and more often than we believe. Make a new habit of this as daily practice.

See that image? Now, we’re looking at the need to ‘let go’. Anger is something that we do not like to let go of, lest we forget. Yet, we have to learn how to do exactly that. Put the hammer down.

A reader in the last post about anger , commented the general idea that the clue is to let it come, get it out, realize that chronically it is not of ‘now’ as it has its foot in the past, and begin to express fully in the present. He knows he’s right, and I also know the wisdom behind the advice, and nodded my head as I read the comment.

If we choose to keep the shoulder chips, the outcomes will remain the same. Nothing gets solved, and the only one that sits with the uncomfortable reaction is the one that owns the anger. Einstein once stated the opinion that a sure sign of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again, and awaiting a different outcome. Well, OK. I guess that means that we’re all a little insane. So much so, that it is normal, because we are all guilty of this. We just don’t see it.

In moments of hurt, people are often times in states of vulnerability. The reasons for this vary, of which I will not address right now. However, although vulnerability is actually positive, it means that we take things in much more easily.

If at the time we can’t find a response from the position of calm strength, a sense of helplessness steps up to the plate. If enough such situations repeatedly occur, anger culminates. The anger gets swallowed, or repeatedly ‘blown out’ at whomever. So, this has to be dealt with as they are inner-security and self-esteem deal breakers. In the longterm they will wear on an individual’s sense of integrity.

Another reader in the same post gave an example of utilizing that energy of anger toward a positive purpose. The example given was anger felt about situations of ‘injustice’. If injustice enrages us, using this energy to fight injustice is much better than using it destructively.

There is such enormous energy in the emotion of anger, that it it can accomplish great work, and feats. The only concern I have is the longterm inner health of the individual. However. This reader touched upon the very essence of the term “kraft”, which I mentioned in another post. His example was perfect. Our ‘kraft’ is a very important part of our personal history, so it is of great meaning. It’s important to get to know it, and become comfortable with it. It can be of great value as long as we do not let it control our lives, and lead us to random decision-making that proves detrimental to our well-being. I will write more about this in the future.

There are many available methods to work with anger. Each tradition has their methods derived from their theoretical premises. I encourage people to do close personal work within themselves. It strengthens the relationship to oneself, and people actually do know themselves best. People also need to practice being their own experts, and learning their own personal answers.

Everyone can sit down at a convenient time, and pull up situations that enrage, and get the anger bubbling. If you mentally go through enough of these situations, you may even begin to see common threads in the issues. Threads usually end up becoming visible the more one works, and this is good, as it allows you to specify issues. Specifying issues allows you to remember the origins of the issues. Each memory will lead to a previous one.

The most important initial point of any development work is that you have to want it to happen. You have to decide that you want to let it go, and understand that it is for your personal highest good. So, before you go down memory lane, talk to yourself, and state the intention that you are ready, ‘to let go’.

Since much of our anger is tied to situations of interaction with other people, there is usually a good amount of personal power that can be utilized in the happenings. You may not have utilized it at the time, however you can in the future.

So, pull up those memories, and bring forth the anger. Let the anger transition back to that which is underlying. It may be the feeling of hurt if someone betrayed you, or said or did something that you were upset by. The physical discomfort will most likely be felt, so make sure that you are breathing deeply. At this point keep talking to yourself, and remind yourself that you own your feelings. They are yours, and they do not belong to the other person or people. Remind yourself that you are letting go, so that your future well-being will no longer be sabotaged.

As you work through the scenarios, observe how you responded. Stop up in the memory work at these points, and really take a good look. Now, change your responses. Change what you would have said and done, in order to come out of that situation feeling better, less hurt, less angry. Your response should be an expression of your positive self.

Through this mental exercise and process, it is usual that the feelings of anger begin to subside. These are the first steps in bringing that foot home from the past. It brings with it whole new understandings of these situations, and Einstein’s statement no longer fits the bill. When you respond differently, the other also has to do so, and the situation no longer leads to the same outcome.

Now, here is the tricky part. As you work through that which is stated in the previous sentences, remember that your new responses should be from a simple principle that sometimes demands a little creativity. The principle, and your final solutions should be based upon a, “no victim, no revenge” mentality. Does this sound difficult? It can seem so at first. Yet, it is easier than people may think, and that is because numerous options always exist. We discover them when we begin a mental search.

With this tricky part, comes tricky part number two. It is a point in which I have disagreed with many a colleague in the clinical field. It has also led to a bit of controversy, but my position is based on the effectiveness of methods. My stance is the inner healing of the individual, which benefits each and every interaction.

Tricky part number two, is that I encourage people to explore new responses that are not based upon “I”-sentences. In other words and for example, “I felt hurt, when you said/did (fill in the blank)”. As these are vulnerable situations, a certain amount of strength needs to be built and felt, to use these. This is because a response to this from the other, may not be what one hopes to hear. In addition, focus and expectations will still remain on the acceptance of another. An individual’s acceptance of themself, regardless of another, is first priority in my practice.

Gradually building that inner strength takes time. When hurt and anger have resided over long periods, the legs are a little wobbly after letting them go. The empty space needs to be filled with an array of new positives. I will address this ’strength’ in future posts.

The first step is to mentally work through these issues in your mind. The next step is not to jump out, and begin practicing in any way you can. The next step is to rest. Take a break. Letting go of anger is a process, so give it time. The body and mind can become a little tired from letting go. Real life is not compatible with our “quick-fix” societies. Let the rest of your body catch up in the work, as this is an important aspect of self-respect.

©Tamera Daun www.pentad.no